


Blair/Serena Drabbles and Short Stories

by shyath



Category: Gossip Girl (TV 2007)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:26:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 5,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21858274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shyath/pseuds/shyath
Summary: Crossposted from Fanfiction.net. Various drabbles and short stories featuring Blair/Serena.
Relationships: Serena van der Woodsen/Blair Waldorf
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	1. Plain Perfection

Blair always feels somewhat plain standing next to Serena. It is nothing like an inferiority complex (and the psychiatrist she pays $500 an hour just so she can tell her that can shove it for all she cares), it is simple truth.

"Hello, beautiful," Serena whispers, wrapping her arms around Blair's waist and dropping a kiss onto her exposed shoulder.

Blair tilts her head slightly to the side to consider their melded reflections. She stands corrected (even if a Waldorf is always correct, but a van der Woodsen has ways of upsetting that golden rule). With the distance between their two bodies (their two hearts, their two souls) practically negligible, Blair does not really feel too plain (but she will never say that out loud, not even under the pain of having a limited edition pair of Louboutins thrown at her, heels first). Squeezing Serena's hands (which are not restless for once) in her own smaller ones, she replies in a whisper (because Serena is a romantic and she maintains a whisper must be answered with a whisper - and Blair is much too obliging when it comes to her), "Hello, yourself."

Quite the contrary, she feels … plain perfect.


	2. Let's Go Crazy Together

Serena tasted salt on Blair's eyelids and smeared strawberry on her lips. She felt trembling fingers and pressed her lips reverently against the tips of each one. It was like a ceremony, or a ritual of some sort. Except there were no words exchanged (unless you would count the sniffles of ebbing tears) and the only communication was tactile in nature. Also, Serena was pretty sure no ceremony would be conducted in a bathroom, much less right next to the toilet.

"Blair," Serena whispered, trailing her fingertips across pale skin.

"I feel like I'm going crazy," Blair replied back shakily, glazed eyes fixed on a spot just above Serena's left shoulder. "My whole world's coming undone."

"Blair," she repeated, cupping Blair's face and bringing her close.

"I'm going crazy," Blair insisted, now staring into Serena's eyes. Not that she could avoid it; Serena had brought their foreheads together.

"Then let's go crazy together," Serena offered.

Blair pursed her lips at that and looked, for a split second, as if she was going to literally smack some sense into Serena. Then she sighed and declared, "You're crazy."

"There's no helping it," Serena countered, grinning, "We'll just have to be crazy together."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Written for Challenge #192 ~ Crazy at femslash100.


	3. Gin On Your Lips, Love On Mine

I love you best when your mouth opens in a silent scream, when your toes curl just so, when your nails dig into the curve of my back. For it is only during the moment of climax that the rest of the world ceases to matter to you, that only my voice resounds in you, that only my touch grounds you, that I become your most vivid sensation, but will you tell me "I love you" if we were not on another hotel bed, if I could not taste gin on your lips?

"Serena."

"Let's get you cleaned up, Blair."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Written for Challenge #211 ~ Rest at slashthedrabble.


	4. My Ideal Woman

I think yesterday is a good colour on you. The warmth of an already bygone sun is a beautiful addition to the perpetual pink tint of your cheeks. I savour the smell of yesterday in your hair. It is fresh in a way today can never be. The taste of memories is intoxicating on your lips. The past is always beautiful when viewed through the lens of today.

The Serena of yesterday is always the most beautiful to me, for I know what she has done, for I am aware of what she has said. The Serena of yesterday is a predictable occurrence and it is always a welcome thing that this perfect Serena in my mind is not and cannot be the one that makes my heart skip a beat in a messy rhythm. I understand the Serena of yesterday and therefore she, not you, is the ideal Serena.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Written for Challenge #193 ~ Yesterday at femslash100.


	5. You Are My Favourite Distraction

I want to tell you that this is nothing but a little game that we are playing, that every moan that slips from your lips is another one for me on an imaginary scoreboard, that every mark on you is nothing but badges of defeat.

"Please."

I so want to tell you this is a game, but I so enjoy the way your voice drops to a whisper whenever I lean in, the way your eyes flutter and your breath hitches as I trail my fingers across pale skin.

"Please, Blair."

The game can go on for a little longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Written for Challenge #194 ~ Game at femslash100.


	6. Memories of Summer

We steal kisses under the cover of summer and run fingers that feel too thick, too clumsy over skin slick with sweat. Our lips slip and trip across and over pounding heartbeats given form. I swallow my doubts and yours; and twist them into something better, like melting chocolate: fleeting and hot and sweet. Our touches are hesitant, not nearly as innocent, as we make the awkward transition from childhood into something beyond, but just a few steps short of adulthood.

When summer ends and we head back, please do not tell me this is another fling to be forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Written for Challenge #213 ~ Twist at slashthedrabble.


	7. Pretend To Love The Stranger In Me

Blair likes to play pretend. She sometimes drops strangers' names in that breathy tone she normally reserves for Serena after she has had too much gin martinis, when they are the only two people in whatever space they have managed to secure for the night. Serena knows Blair likes to see the way her jaw clenches in anger, in jealousy and she positively purrs when Serena pushes a little harder, kisses a little sloppier, scratches a little deeper. Serena plays along because it is only during these moments, when Blair pretends she is not Blair and Serena is not Serena, that Blair allows herself to let loose a little, that Blair stays for the morning after.

"I love you," Blair will whisper against warm skin, tasting Serena in the cooling sweat and in the musk still strong on her lips.

"Are you still playing pretend?" Serena will murmur back and expect only silence to answer.

It is to her utmost surprise to hear Blair's response after another night of playing pretend. "No," Blair breathes, cupping Serena's face in her smaller hands and bringing their noses within bumping distance. "Not this time."

Serena chokes back a sob. "I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Written for Challenge #198 ~ Pretend at femslash100.


	8. Greet Me With A Broken Smile

Blair smiles like the act is a chore, like the act is something she has to do, needs to do.

Serena hates that perfect smile Blair always has on, that perfect smile Blair directs at anyone and at everyone (but she hates it most when Blair directs that perfect smile at her, like Serena is on equal footing with the rest of the world – and the very suggestion of the idea hurts, offends like nothing else ever could, would). That perfect smile of Blair's is so practised, is so unnaturally natural that sometimes Serena forgets that the smile is fake.

It is only when that perfect smile falters (breaks), when the light in Blair's eyes dim a little (become muted), when Blair actually has to make an effort to turn the edges of her lips up (tears brimming in her eyes) that Serena knows the smile is real.

Serena loves that broken smile Blair rarely has on, that broken smile Blair directs at her and only at her (but she loves the slightly halting whisper – like Blair is telling, sharing a secret and maybe she is – of "I love you" that comes afterward even more).

A broken smile suits Blair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Written for Challenge #201 ~ Smile at femslash100.


	9. The Opposite of Hate

Blair likes it when they are pressed together like this, when they are so close that they cannot help but have their bodies merged, their breaths mingled and their heartbeats synchronised. She likes that Serena's elbows still jab into tender places even when she has explicitly warned Serena not to, that her fingers are splayed and sometimes dug into even more tender places - because it is only during these moments that Blair knows that Serena is right there next to her.

It is not yet love, but Blair will concede that they are slowly experiencing the opposite of hate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Written for Challenge #218 ~ Opposite(s) at slashthedrabble.


	10. Fortune Favours The Brave

Fortune favours the brave. "Or the extremely foolish," Serena murmurs under her breath as she restlessly shifts her weight from one foot to the other.

"Stop that," Blair snaps quietly but firmly.

"Yes, ma'am," Serena responds almost automatically and resists the urge to stand at attention.

Blair stifles the smile that wants to bloom and returns her attention to the locked doors in front of her. "Where's the key?"

Serena's jaw drops and she says almost accusingly, "I gave it to you before we got here."

"No, you didn't," Blair retorts, crossing her arms over her chest defensively.

"Yes, I did!" Serena maintains. "It's in that little box I slipped inside the bouquet of roses I gave you this morning."

Blair rummages inside of her purse and pulls out the aforementioned little box with an unnecessary flourish. "This little box?"

"Yes," Serena replies, rolling her eyes.

Blair begins to unwrap the box with such care that Serena growls out in impatience. "Sheesh, calm down!" Blair folds the wrapping paper hastily and stuffs it back inside of her purse before finally opening the box. Inside is a rusty key, which is more than a match for the warehouse they are seeking entry to, laid upon a velvet cloth. "You wasted velvet on this key?"

Serena shrugs. "It's a special key."

Blair huffs and turns around to unlock the doors of the warehouse. She starts to push, but the doors barely budge. "Will you help me?" she snarls at a much too amused Serena.

With their combined efforts, the doors begin to swing inwards (with a lot of uncalled for creaking and whining, Blair must note). The interior is dark and the windows have been covered from what little Blair can see, but at least it is not musty and breathing does not pose a health hazard. She makes to search for a light switch, but Serena's hand on her elbow stops her. "Look," Serena points to the far wall.

Blair has to squint or walk further in because, even with the two of them, the doors only open enough to let the two of them in – not enough sunlight filters in to help with the darkness. "What is it?" she complains.

Serena nudges her forward. "Go on."

Blair grumbles, but finally walks toward the wall. "W … I … L … L," she reads out slowly as letters begin to glow in the dark. The eerie green that only the sort of paint that glows in the dark can give out should really spook her, but Blair feels merely the opposite. "Serena," she sobs out, tears running freely down her cheeks.

Lights suddenly begin to turn on as Serena kneels down in front of her. Repeating the words on the wall, Serena whispers as she presents a beautiful engagement ring to Blair, "Will you marry me?"

"Yes, you goof!" Blair replies without needing to think her decision through. She pulls Serena up and allows herself to be engulfed in Serena's embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Written for Challenge #204 ~ Fortune at femslash100.


	11. She Is A Beat, She Is A Pulse

Blair does not wish to be stifling, but she understands that is the impression most people get of her. Standing next to Serena and watching the easy way with which the blonde throws a smile here and throws a smile there - _that_ is the impression she gets of herself. She gets the familiar urge to leave and she is not sure where, but most definitely somewhere less open.

"You okay?" Serena asks when they are finally alone, squeezing the hand Blair has kept wrapped around her forearm all night long.

"No," Blair grouses, surprising both of them with her honesty. Though this _is_ Serena she is talking to and interactions with the blonde are more often surreal than not. "I'm not okay. Everyone here hates me. Or if they don't, they know someone who does. On the contrary, you - they simply fall head over heels with."

"That's not true," Serena replies, a fond smile playing about her lips.

"It is so true," Blair grumbles back, linking their fingers together and watching the way Serena's bigger hand completely engulfs her with perhaps too much interest. She is a little unnerved by the way Serena's eyes are completely on hers (like she sees no one else).

"I, for one, do not hate you," Serena declares sincerely. "In fact, I seem to recall that my sentiment runs in quite the opposite direction. Why, just last night -"

"S!" Blair interrupts her, covering Serena's mouth with her free hand before Serena can ever finish that line of thought.

Serena licks against Blair's palm and giggles when Blair yelps at the contact. "You don't need to think about everyone else," Serena tells her, waving dismissively at the rest of the crowd. She pulls Blair towards her and grins a little when Blair flushes at the sudden proximity. "All you need to think about is the two of us. There's no need to worry about other people." The blonde brings Blair's hand up to her lips and places a lingering kiss on the brunette's knuckles. "I love you."

Blair releases a shaky breath and observes the way Serena's eyes positively darken. Her nether regions experience a sympathetic jolt and Blair has to stop herself from suggesting they leave early. She wants to scold herself for giving into Serena's cajoling so easily, but all it takes is a brilliant smile for Blair to stop overanalysing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Written for Challenge #220 ~ Open at slashthedrabble.


	12. When The Clock Strikes Midnight

_How do I love thee? Let me count the ways._ Serena closes the doors to the balcony soundly behind her and stands quietly there for just a moment, looking at Blair with slightly glazed eyes.

"You're drunk," Blair comments disapprovingly, stepping back and away. "Why did you call me out here, Serena? I have a masquerade ball to oversee, you realise."

Serena steps forward and catches at Blair's retreating arm. _None too freely, I do not think._ She tugs – once, hard – at the wrist, spins Blair back and holds her in the circle of her arms with strength not befitting someone supposedly intoxicated. "Blair," Serena whispers finally, breaking her silence. "Kiss me," she requests suddenly.

The instinctively sharp retort dies on Blair's lips. There is something terribly fragile about Serena's voice, something terribly sad and Blair fears one wrong move of any sort from her will break this suddenly delicate person. Blair's breath comes out shakily, blossoming into big, white puffs and her fingers, cold and stiff, warm as they land on the curves of Serena's cheeks. "What's wrong?" she asks, carefully moderating her tone and watching the movements of Serena's eyes – fidgety, unsteady, _heartbreaking_ and they only seem to grow more so when Blair cups her face.

 _None too purely either, I am afraid._ "Please," Serena begs, her own fingers curling inward as she places her hands on the sides of Blair's neck. _But – I will, with all confidence, presume this one thing._ "Kiss me, Blair," Serena repeats the request, breathing it against a flushed cheek, wafts of Blair's perfume drifting and tickling her senses. There is a familiarity in all of this, a beautiful comfort – like hot chocolate on a rainy day, like home on a Christmas morning.

"You're crying," Blair remarks evasively, brushing away the tears and feeling like crying herself when the tears only come more fiercely, more quickly. "What's wrong, S?" She should just come right out and tell Serena that she could not, that she should not. Things are different now, they are no longer the same and there are certain rules that she has to abide to, that Serena as well has to abide to.

"Just this once, just for tonight," Serena croaks, her voice breaking, shattering and her tears are hot and feel almost solid as they touch Blair's skin. _I love with a passion that burns, that robs me of all free will. I love until it hurts, until it heals, until it hurts all over again. I love like I am dying._

"I can't," Blair finally answers, wrapping her arms tightly around Serena's neck.

Serena sobs into Blair's hair and the force with which they are holding each other is probably ruining the costumes they are wearing. When they finally return inside to the Halloween masquerade ball, they will probably look awful, people will most likely talk, but right now, Blair could not care less and she doubts that Serena would either. "Yes, you can!" Serena hisses. "Just kiss me. You don't need to think about Nate. There's just you and me right now. No one else! So, just – please, just kiss me so that I – so I can -"

"I can't," Blair says emphatically. She wants to say more, but chooses to pull back instead – slowly, reluctantly. She pats Serena's cheek fondly. "It's okay. When you wake up tomorrow, you'll forget all about this."

Serena shakes her head vehemently in disagreement, wrapping her arms around herself as if suddenly cold.

"You will and we'll both go back to being good friends. Just like always."

Serena rubs the back of her hand vigorously against her wet eyes. "I won't."

Blair glances back inside. "Nate's gesturing for me. I have to go now."

"B," Serena says in a strangled tone, something halfway between a request and a plea.

"It's okay," Blair repeats more fervently. Who is she trying to reassure by this point? "You're just a little drunk. You'll feel better come morning."

Serena sniffs. "I love you, B."

Blair smiles – a little sadly, a little regretfully. "Bye, S," she says softly as she picks up the skirt of her gown and makes her way back in and to Nate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N2: Written for Challenge #213 ~ Intoxicated at femslash100.


	13. Is There No Happily Ever After With You?

Serena has these absurdly long fingers and it is not like Blair has not noticed them before. Serena's recent obsession with nail polish has made it even more difficult to ignore them recently.

"How does peach look like on me?" Serena asks, wiggling her recently painted nails under Blair's nose.

Blair puts down the magazine she has been perusing and turns her attention rather reluctantly to Serena's nails. The polish is still slightly wet and, if she were to lean in a little closer, she could probably smell it (it and Serena – and the thought, the very idea of Serena's scent lingers uncomfortably somewhere decidedly southward). "It looks fine," Blair croaks out, picking up the magazine quickly and moving away from Serena. Maybe she should have offered to hang out in the living room instead of her bedroom.

"Are you sure?" Serena returns, looking unconvinced.

"I'm positive," Blair snaps, hiding her blushing face behind the magazine. _Think of something else, something other than fingers, or more accurately – Serena's!_

"Wouldn't red look nicer? A deep, deep red shade," Serena comments quite idly.

"Do whatever you think is best," Blair responds dismissively, commanding her body to return to some semblance of composure.

"Like the colour of your lipstick, B," Serena decides. "Come here, let me see."

"What -" Blair's words are cut short as Serena holds Blair's chin steadily in her hand and the curve of Serena's thumb presses gently against the bump of Blair's bottom lip.

There is a crease between Serena's brows as she focuses on Blair's lips. "Hmm," she murmurs, moving even more closely.

Blair wants to move away, but the wall is pressing into her back already and why does _she_ have to be the one to leave? This is her bedroom! "Serena!" she hisses, but it comes out muffled and more than a little suppressed, her breath bouncing off of Serena's skin and the heat rising once again in her cheeks (and elsewhere).

"Yes," Serena announces like she has just come to a conclusion and she smiles slowly. There is a feeling that is not unlike a gentle unravelling of something _more_ , like film credits are rolling and reality is being washed away – and Blair is breathless as she watches, waits for _something_ to happen. "Red would look very nice," Serena whispers and then she leans in even closer.

Blair's eyes flutter shut and she has this strange anticipation reverberating throughout – it is in her pounding heart, the ringing in her ears. The two of them are so close together that Blair can feel the soft, gentle exhalations of Serena's breath, can picture in her mind's eye how the curves of their lips will meld together when the distance is closed, can smell that sweet, _barely there_ scent of Serena's skin as it envelops, engulfs her –

"Damn, sorry," Serena suddenly says.

Blair's eyes open quickly. "What is it now?"

"Sorry. My mom called," Serena offers apologetically.

Blair sighs. "Is there no happily ever after with you?"

"Aw, don't be like that, B."

"Well?"

"What?"

"When are you going to stop with the excuses and instead come over here and finish what you started?"

"I thought you were still angry with me."

"Serena …"

"Oh, right. Stop with the excuses and -"

Blair sighs, tugs on Serena's shirt and pulls her towards her. "And come over here and finish what you started."

"Yeah, that," Serena murmurs breathlessly. "I was just going to say that."

Then it is only the soft moans, the softer sighs and the sweet, sweet scent of their mingled skins that linger in the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Written for Challenge #231 ~ No Happily Ever After at slashthedrabble.


	14. Do You Think They Would Hear Us?

"Ssh," Blair whispered, her eyes focused on a spot an inch above Serena's left shoulder.

"Who?" Serena asked, looking around as best as she could in the darkness, but they were the only two in the closet.

Blair giggled. "You, silly. I'm talking to you, of course." She pressed her index finger against her lips. "Ssh, you're too loud. They'd hear us."

Serena pressed her finger against her own lips. "Who would hear us?" she murmured softly.

Blair leaned forward, close enough that Serena could see the exact shade of red colouring Blair's cheeks, close enough that she could see herself reflected in Blair's eyes. Serena swallowed thickly. "They would," Blair replied with a small burst of laughter.

"Okay, we'll be quiet," Serena assured Blair.

There was silence for a moment, a gentle, slow silence and Serena would like to think that their breathing synchronised – if only for a moment there and then.

"S?" Blair sounded more alert, more like herself and it made Serena sit up, her head bumping against something hard.

"What is it?"

Blair's arms came around Serena, resting solidly on her shoulders, her fingers scratching at the base of Serena's neck. "Promise you won't tell."

Was Blair this close before? "Okay."

"This never happened," Blair continued.

Serena shook her head and watched as Blair came closer. "Yes."

"I'm heavily under the influence," Blair clarified as her tongue slipped through to wet tinted lips.

"Yeah," Serena agreed, choking a little (maybe crying).

"I'm still mad at you," Blair murmured, her words a cool breeze against Serena's suddenly dry lips. "About Nate. For leaving."

"I'm sorry."

"Let's pretend you didn't say that."

Serena nodded.

"Good," Blair breathed. Her lips were a little cold, a little punishing when they finally met Serena's.

"B, I -"

"Ssh. They'd hear us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Written for Challenge #232 ~ Under the Influence at slashthedrabble.


	15. Thorns Entwining Our Hearts

The dying rays of the sun come through the tiny gap between heavy curtains to splash half-heartedly across Serena's still bare skin, over Blair's rigid back – painting one and all in shadows and lights, reds and oranges. Serena thinks it is a painfully beautiful sight, hates the decidedly conclusive taste to the image (because she can read the farewell or something similar – or worse – in the tense set of Blair's shoulders, in the way she refuses to face Serena).

Serena wonders if she could fool herself into believing that this weak warmth cloaking her, enveloping her is in fact Blair. If she were to just close her eyes and imagine hard enough, if she were to just focus on that sweet scent that is Blair still lingering in the air badly enough, maybe, maybe this outline of a phantom body she sees in her mind's eye if not in reality can pass as Blair. She moves her hands up to trace curves that are not exactly there and feels - as expected – only empty air greeting her hopeful fingers. "Are you leaving?" Serena asks, dropping her hands limply by her sides and opening her eyes reluctantly to see what she has not wanted to see: Blair standing by the foot of the bed, detached as she smoothes away imaginary wrinkles from her clothes.

"You know what my answer will be," Blair replies with a hint of a warning, keeping her back to Serena and her shoulders tensing even more – if that were even possible. There is something like unease, maybe fear, more likely guilt in the way her fingers clench and unclench at the hem of her blouse.

Serena closes her eyes again, swallowing back disappointment. Her heart squeezes like it is about to break, like it is about to give way. _But not yet, maybe a little more and it will finally break_ , she thinks.

"I'll see you next week?" Blair asks, her tone hovering awkwardly between commanding and imploring. Somehow, somehow her voice seems closer all of a sudden, a lot closer to Serena than it should ever be considering the circumstances. "The usual time?" Blair whispers, her soft exhalations skimming the tops of Serena's cheekbones, her fingers tracing Serena's jaw line so lightly that Serena cannot decide whether the sensation is simply a figment of her imagination or not.

"The usual place," Serena grits out by way of an answer as she pulls away quickly, curling into the pillow that still smells like the two of them. Her skin burns furiously where Blair has (maybe) touched her. She feels it like a physical blow when Blair pulls away and she tells herself to keep her eyes closed, to do her best to block any noise. She does not want nor does she need to see or hear Blair leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Written for Seasonal Femslash Greetings 2009 at Passion and Perfection.


	16. Memories of Broken Hearts

Blair can tell the exact moment when Serena's smile begins to crack. She does not have it down to an exact science, but she can surmise well enough from the way Serena's lips tremble very, very slightly, the way her eyes are a little too bright – like they are trying their hardest not to cry. Somehow she finds the strength, or maybe the cruelty, to go on about what happened in Chuck's limo, how it happened – all the gory details.

By the end of it, Serena is as pale as it is possible for a person to be. She beams at Blair and there is something fundamentally wrong about it: something twisted and painful, an _implication_ of something that squeezes harder at Blair's heart than Chuck's half-hearted proclamation of everlasting love. Serena blinks a couple of times and Blair can distinctly hear the sound of breaking, of shattering – of what and whose? – and her hands are clammy, cold, shaking on her thighs as she tries and fails to muster the excitement befitting the circumstances.

"Congratulations, B," Serena tells her, her voice high and thin (false) and Blair just wants to strangle her.

"Thank you," Blair finally manages in response after a few stilted moments of silence. Her shoulders slump with a heaviness she cannot explain and the date with Chuck tomorrow night does not seem as wonderful now.

Serena reaches across and wraps Blair in her arms. Her voice is thick now as she whispers, "I'm so happy for you, B. I love you."

Blair's nails dig into Serena's shoulders hard enough to break skin (to mark Serena as hers and _hers_ alone) and she replies hoarsely, "I love you too, S." Why does it feel like they are saying goodbye? She leans in to kiss the rapidly blooming bruises on Serena's shoulder, her lips lingering longer than it is probably proper. Blair pretends not to hear Serena's sharp intake of breath. "I love you too," she says softly, pulling away.

Serena looks a little dazed, like she did that one time they were standing under a mistletoe and Chuck and Nate had dared them to kiss. "Blair, I -"

Blair shakes her head. "Don't," she warns her. "Just – don't. Just hold me and don't speak. Please."

Serena sniffs and does as she is told. "I love you, B. So, so much."

"What did I tell you?" _I love you_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Written for Challenge #219 ~ Memories at femslash100.


	17. Is This The Beginning?

Serena suppresses a smile, swallows back a sob as she takes her spot next to Blair. She is close enough that their skins touch, that the backs of their hands brush – and Blair has yet to push her away. "Hey," she whispers.

"Hey," Blair replies tightly, her eyes fixed straight ahead as the crowd prepares itself for the countdown. "Where's Dan?"

"Where's Nate?" Serena asks in return.

" _Ten!"_

Blair smiles. "Are we playing?"

Serena pouts. "I'm not if you aren't."

" _Nine!"_

Blair turns her hand just so, her thumb caressing the curve of Serena's palm. Serena's breath hitches noticeably. Blair likes that it is the little things she does that get to Serena, it makes her feel special. "I'm not."

"I'm not either," Serena replies.

" _Eight!"_

"Good," Blair says, linking their fingers together.

"Yeah," Serena agrees, squeezing Blair's smaller hand.

" _Seven!"_

"So, what did you tell him?" Blair enquires, a little more loudly than it is perhaps proper, but then it is getting really loud.

"I told him I've been in love with someone else for my entire life," Serena husks right into Blair's ear, her voice tickling Blair's ear. Blair can feel her hairs stand in response.

" _Six!"_

"So cheesy," Blair responds, but her smile is bigger now.

"You bring out the best in me," Serena teases. "What did _you_ tell him?"

" _Five!"_

"I told him that it turns out I've never been waiting for a Prince Charming after all," Blair says firmly, clearly. "Mine has already been by my side all this while."

"And you call me cheesy," Serena sniffs.

" _Four!"_

"You bring out the best in me," Blair returns Serena's words.

"I love you, B," Serena tells her in a hushed voice.

" _Three!"_

"I love you too, S," Blair replies promptly.

Serena turns Blair within the circle of her arms, holds her by her hips and looks into her eyes. "Is this the beginning?"

" _Two!"_

"No," Blair declares, looping her arms around Serena's neck.

"No?" Serena asks with a confused frown.

" _One!"_

"The beginning implies the possibility of an ending," Blair tells her. "You are _it_ for me. You are the goal."

"God, how did you get to be so cheesy?" Serena whispers, leaning in.

" _Happy New Year!"_

Blair pulls Serena down by her neck and meets her lips halfway. "Happy New Year, sweetheart," she murmurs as she pulls away.

"Happy New Year, baby," Serena replies gently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Written for Challenge #234 ~ Past Prompts Revisited: '#027 ~ Beginnings' at slashthedrabble.


	18. I Know That You Know That I Know

It is only when Blair hates or loves that her perfect mask slips. Serena likes to think that it has more to do with the object of Blair's hate or love – namely herself, but Serena knows all too well that is not the case. Blair loves with a passion – consuming, possessive, unrelenting, but she hates even better. Serena should know, she has been on the receiving end of both.

"I hate you," Blair hisses with perhaps less venom than is proper, her back hitting her bedroom wall tiredly.

"I know," Serena says gently, approaching Blair carefully.

Blair bats Serena's hands away. "Didn't you hear me the first time? I said I hate you."

It is a game they have played only too often. "I know," Serena murmurs.

"I don't want you here," Blair sniffs, her shoulders slumping and her hands resting by her sides in an admission of defeat.

"I know," Serena persists, her hands settling on Blair's upper arms.

"Go away, Serena," Blair says softly, her eyes not quite meeting the blonde's.

"No," Serena tells her firmly, pulling her closer and into her arms.

"I hate you, you know that," Blair murmurs, her hands curving around Serena's hips tentatively.

"I know," Serena repeats, sighing contentedly as she rests her chin on top of Blair's head.

"If you leave again, I swear I will –"

"I won't. I promise."

"You're not forgiven yet."

Serena smiles. _Yet_. "I know. I love you, B."

"I hate you," Blair says petulantly.

"I know."


	19. Free Fall

It is only during those first few moments of partial awareness when night begins to melt into day, or perhaps during those late night hours when deliberate ignorance is (can be) considered the norm, that Blair allows herself and thus, by extension, Serena a modicum of freedom (to act, to feel).

It is only then that the things that are not said and the things that are not done become the only things that matter. Everything (and anything) is magnified, becomes overwhelming and almost suffocating – the hurts go deep inside and the flicker of otherwise (both of them refuse to name what otherwise could, should be – or what it really is) goes even deeper.

When the inky blackness of the night gives way, they fall away – as if burned, as if guilty – only to gravitate back towards each other. Then the sun rises and the cycle begins all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Written for Challenge #229 ~ Fall at femslash100.


	20. Love Should Not Hurt Like This

It was another long, slow night as they loved under cover of darkness, under pretensions of privacy. They ignored the clicks of their heels against the floor as they pressed together, the strange loudness of an empty night as their hearts pounded painfully and the shaky sighs that escaped their lips as skin finally met skin. Their fingers were unsteady as they traced terrains that should by now be familiar, as they smoothed over curves and dipped over planes. Their eyes held in that moment as they became one, as warmth turned into heat and time stood still for just the two of them. The roar of reality in their ears as they sagged against each other was deafening, telling and it should be shocking.

"We shouldn't be doing this," Blair whispered, her face buried in Serena's shoulder and her breaths unevenly hitting Serena's skin with every word she spoke.

Serena swallowed thickly. They had had this conversation before and her response had always been the same. "I know," Serena replied, her arms tightening around Blair. _Why?_

"I should be getting back."

"You should." _Stay_.

"Chuck would be worried."

"I'm sure he would be." _Leave him_.

"I'm serious, Serena."

"So am I, B." _Can't you see I love you?_

"We really should stop doing this," Blair repeated, pushing away from Serena (and that was how Serena knew their time together had come to an end – at least until the next time they met in another frenzy of yearning).

"Yeah," Serena said softly, turning away as Blair lingered but a moment (and Serena hoped once more that this would finally be when Blair truly became hers, not just a stolen sensation, not just a brief dream).

"Goodbye, S."

Serena waited until the door was shut before allowing her tears to fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Written for Challenge #248 ~ Past Prompts Revisited: #042 ~ It Hurts at slashthedrabble

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Written for Challenge #207 ~ Plain at slashthedrabble.


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